


As Long As We Are Still Alive

by Renan_RC



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Broken Dean, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2018-09-23 23:16:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9686537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Renan_RC/pseuds/Renan_RC
Summary: He'd been gone for almost a year. Abused and scared, he came back. But once someone breaks your soul, it will never be the same again.





	1. Prologue

Fear.

So much time feeling fear.

Pain.

There was so much pain.

Darkness.

Everything around was darkness.

Cold.

No warm hands, no warm hugs…nothing but cold.

Emptiness.

Nothing to live for…

No light, no happiness, no love, nothing.

Just this cold and dark basement and pain and fear.

Time was lost. Lost somewhere in the darkness.

Days...weeks…months…¿Years?

There used to be a time when life was good, easy…happy. Blue eyes. Warm hands. Soft hair. Happiness. Who? When?

Not so long ago? An eternity away? When?

Family. Sun. Love…Don’t think of that…you’ll miss and missing hurts the worst.

Now there’s just darkness and that horrible voice.

“Sing for me” it says “Let me hear that pretty voice of yours”

Scream…scream…scream.

There used to exist a will to live. Something worth living for. But…memory tends to betray. There’s nothing…

Sometimes there are little snips of the past. But every time one of those appears things become more painful. The voice becomes scarier and the will to live shrinks. But still…the fragment of the past gets treasured. Life before the darkness. Warm hands…sparkling blue eyes.

 

Something changes from one moment to the next. A peak if light, loud noises, shouts, everything becomes louder, steps…steps getting near. There’s only pain when someone gets closer…but moving or trying to fight is useless, so lying motionless is the solution, don’t try to talk…don’t try to look up. But then…light. Tears leaking to the ground. Too bright. Who is this?

A man, in some kind of uniform. He is getting nearer. Talking frantic.

Too bright. Too loud. Darkness creeping again.

“We found him”

Darkness once more.


	2. Solid|Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m here, Dean” he whispered “I love you, sweetheart”

They found him.

  
He got the call at night, around midnight. They found Dean. Green eyes, dirty blond hair, freckles. Dean. His Dean.  
Instantly some of the weight he had been carrying the last year disappeared. But not all of it. Dean had been gone for about a year…

What happened to him? What kind of nightmare he had been through?  
Castiel had never ran faster in his life. He was still wearing the dirty nightshirt he slept on. His hair was a mess, even more than ever. The jeans he managed to put on the moment his mind got the message were dirty, they were Dean’s. He was sure some thigs in their room were now broken. But who cared? Dean was alive. After the most painful and horrible year of his life, someone had finally called to say what he desperately wanted to hear. They found him.

The worst year of his life was an understatement. It had been hell. Every day waiting for the call. Any call. Every night longing for the warm of Dean’s body next to his, for his gentle hand caressing his hair, his face. Always waiting for the hugs, the touches, the bright smile, the beautiful eyes, the charming freckles, waiting for any kind of sign that would let him know he was ok. But it hadn’t arrived. There were horrible dreams…some had calls who told him he was dead, some had images of Dean lying lifeless somewhere cold and horrible, they were painful. But by far the most painful ones were the ones when he was back, where he could see that precious smile again and then…he woke up, alone, no Dean. He broke a little every time that happened.

But it wasn’t a dream anymore…  
Dean…his Dean was alive…

  
“Castiel” a voice broke him out of his mental rant.

  
Charlie was in front of him with Dorothy at her side. They looked way to awake…considering it was quite late. But they were the people in charge of the security of the house. They used to be only employers…but when Dean came into his life…chatting and joking with everyone in the house they became friends with Dean and with him. Dean added the spark in all of their lives…hence the devastation when he went missing.

  
“Charlie! They found him! He is alive….I need to…”

“You need to breath for a second and let us help…or were you considering driving yourself to the hospital in this state?” Dorothy cut him out, arching one perfectly trimmed eyebrow.

He looked down to himself. Hands shaking and cold from shock. No shoes on his feet…maybe he had rushed things a little bit…

“Cas” Charlie said with a note of worry in her voice “We heard the call, you have to be prepared. Dean might not be awake…he…” she stopped as her eyes filled with tears

“I know, I know” the blue eyed man tried to sound confident, but the slight tremble in his voice gave him away “But he needs me”

“True, but, Castiel, you need to put on some shoes and a jacket” Dorothy said “We will drive you to the hospital. And don’t even think about us just dropping you there, we will wait with you as long as we have to”

Castiel went silent…

He was not alone. He had a family. The family he and Dean had created. Not only friends or staff as people believed, but family.

The blue eyed man nodded and went back to his room. He put on some shoes and one of Dean’s jackets. It didn’t smell like him anymore.  
When he ran downstairs Charlie was waiting for him in the front door. Pale cheeks and haunted eyes greeted him, but a Charlie-like hug embraced him as soon as he was in reaching distance.

“Everything will be alright, and even if it isn’t…we will be here, Cas” the redhead said against his chest.

“Thank you Charlie. I don’t know what I would do without you all” he whispered softly against red hair.

“We are only doing our job, boss” she backed away winking “Let´s hurry. Dorothy doesn’t like to wait. I would know” She said rolling her eyes.

“Let’s go then”

* * *

It’s Dean…

It’s him…

After all this time, he was back. Hurt and unconscious…but it was him. His Dean. His light. His everything.  
Castiel was beyond himself with emotions. His vision was blurry and his knees were barely keeping him up.

Dean was alive.

“Cas…” that was Charlie’s voice “Cas you need to breathe”

Wasn’t he?

He took a shivering breath. Then another and other next. Until he was breathing fine.

“That’s it” Dorothy said

“He is alive” his voice was weird even for him. Much deeper and filled with emotion.

“He is…”Charlie said hugging him “The doctor said it’ll be a couple of hours until we can see him, and he is not awake yet, but he is alive Cas!” she was smiling and crying at the same time. Dorothy bit her lip, his eyes were filled with unshed tears but the look on them was worried…worried?

“What is it?” Castiel said looking at the brunette. Her look setting him off.

“They still don’t know the severity of his state…his injuries, healed or not, are intense and…this is going to be hard and you know it, right boss?” she was not trying to be pessimist, but Dean was not going to be ok all of the sudden, not with all the time he was missing, not if her suspicions were true. The healing process was going to be hard.

“I understand your concern, Dorothy” Castiel said “but…after all this time, the fact that he is still alive, within some meters between us…the fact that whoever took him is not hurting him anymore…that I can touch him again….that gives me small reason to feel happy. I know is going to be hard for him to heal, I know he is not going to be up and about the moment he opens his eyes but I’ll do anything to help him get better” he closed his eyes and smiled a little.

“We’ll be there too, Cas” Charlie said with a decided look in her eyes.

“Thank you so much” the emotion in the blue eyed man voice was almost tangible.

“No need to thank us, boss. Family is always there when you need them”  
Castiel smiled.

* * *

As Dorothy had predicted, Dean was not ok. The damage done to his body was so deep, they had to keep him asleep for an uncertain amount of time, They said it was for the best. They said his mind was still in shock. They said he denied help in the ambulance. They said he was so scared he had to be sedated. They said he didn’t remember his own name…his name.

Cas was speechless. Dean did not remember his name. Dean probably didn’t remember him.

'We are not sure about his mental health yet' the doctor had told them 'We will concentrate in getting his body stable enough for him to wake up and then assess the damage in his mind. You can sit with him during visiting hours. We will inform you he moment we plan to wake him up. A cop would want to talk to you' That’s where Charlie and Dorothy intervened. He was left to go to Dean.

The moment Cas entered the private hospital room he paled.  
  
Wires ad tubes coming and going out of a frail body. Too pale skin peered where it wasn’t black and blue. Dark eyelids. Bandages. Cast. Needles. His Dean was under all that.

Unconscious and still terrified. But…he was there. Solid. Real.

He sat beside Dean’s bed. He tried to ignore the tubes in his mouth and nose. He took one pale and cold hand with infinite care, infinite love, and pressed it against his lips.  
“I’m here, Dean” he whispered “I love you, sweetheart”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Ren here!  
> I know the firt chapter took too long, but I promise it's not going to be like that anymore.  
> This is my first try in a Destiel story, so I'm still learning. Any doubts, questios, sugestions or comment please let me now.  
> Thanks for reading and see you next chapter!  
> Ren.


End file.
